arghs. my internet is driving me absolutely fucking insane. its so bloody slow. this is madness.

i've been spending alot of time with my angie baby lately (: which usually puts me in a perkier than normal mood. HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DARLING! i hope you're in ______ doing ______ at this time next yr! went out with her on her bday. and i resent the high-maintenance thing ok. you're as high maintenance as me and possibly even more. let me quote 'only one man has touched my hair in 7 yrs', if your wish comes true, i see what you're gonna do. anyway there was the earthquake before that. my house was shaking as usual. it was quite bad this time. my maid and i both had to hold the lights in my dining room. my whole computer chair shifted backwards! but anyway, we had a great time together (: i loved the natalie portman short movie in paris je'taime. hehee. i want to go to paris. one day. with the special someone. i think paris is only really romantic and wonderful if you go with someone you love. hahaha.

when i think back to 2 yrs ago. there was honestly nothing much anyone could do to make everything all better. and when i try to cheer my friends up, there's this thought in my head, that if it was me, nothing much would help. so all i can do now is to show you i care, and i'm here. and hope that everything gets better for you (:

i wish my parents would show me some support in the things i do. things outside of my studies that is. its like when i wanted to plan sentio, all i met was with, are you sure you can do it. you can set up such a big concert?! nothing of, oh i can help you with this, or go for it dear. with dancing it was always that way. with gym too. now with cooking. i mean my whole life, my grandma and mum made cooking a very impt thing, teaching me to cook and bake since i was 3. and yet now when i want to do it, she's full of 'what's the point in you doing this?!', 'why you wasting so much money', 'are you sure you can do it? i think you're being too ambitious'. damn you. i've been told since i was young, nothing in this world is impossible. there's nothing that i can't do once i put my bloody mind to it. and here you go, not only not encouraging me and supporting me. you're doubting me. i'm really tired of this. this is part of the reason why i want so desperately to escape overseas. i don't want anyone to put a limit on what i'm capable of, what i can do. i don't want anyone to tell me not to do things anymore. i want to do everything and anything. and finally live for myself, be happy. study what i want, not what i'm supposed to, or told to. i had to fight against them my whole life, to do gym (they thought i should do a more team sport, like netball), to dance (they thought i wasn't spending enough time studying), to do bio (my dad loves physics) and so much more. and seriously, the rebelling thing is getting old, very fast. and its really tiring.

and i'm tired.

i just want a route of less resistance, or maybe less direct obstacles from my parents. something different. something new (:

i hope tmr night goes well -crosses fingers-